Are there human beings that can help with this? I applied weeks ago, got accepted, have called 50+ times, been told no payment has been made (true), have tried to use telecert, answer all questions, and so far no luck at all.

Go into the office and ask for help. I remember I waited almost 2 months because something needed to be done online that I wasn't aware of. The guy that helps you with the computers has a lot of attitude and is condescending, but at least you'll start getting your checks.

Hey Alan Certified Online is the quickest an you should receive y money later tonight or tomorrow if you were eligible that week. Hope you got that Edd payment Card