Tanya Freeman, Principal Attorney | Offit Kurman

If you go to trial, a judge will decide what’s best. That means a judge could be deciding what’s best for your children – and you’d have to abide by that decision. No one knows your children better than you and your spouse do. That means the question of child custody is often best suited to mediation. Can you and your spouse work together, with your attorneys, toward decisions that put your children’s interests first? How will you handle holidays, birthdays, and other milestones? Where will they go to school and where will they live? When negotiating child custody, you need to think far into the future and be sure to bring up every concern with your spouse.

In your first consultation, your attorney should be able to help you get a feel for the cost and timeline of divorce. You should start asking questions about strategy right away. What are the advantages of litigation versus mediation in your case? What percentage of that attorney’s cases go to trial? Is your attorney amenable to sitting down with your spouse and his or her attorney and having a settlement conference in the office? Be open about whatever is on your mind. No two divorce cases are the same: you want to know your attorney is listening to you, and ready to come up with creative solutions to meet your needs.

You’ll want a trustworthy divorce attorney on your side, but beyond that, what you should look for in an attorney depends mostly on what you value and what you want to get out of the divorce. If you expect to fight every step of the way – and if you’re keen on fighting back, and don’t care much for compromising – then you should get a notorious battler. In most cases, though, you’ll probably want a attorney with whom you feel comfortable. Do you feel assured that your attorney is listening to you, and using your best interests to navigate? Will you get the attorney you pick and pay for, or will that attorney hand you off to others in his or her firm after the consultation? You want someone who can foresee problems and possibilities you wouldn’t – you also want someone with a reputation for creative, innovative solutions to the knotty problems of asset division, alimony, and child custody and support. You’ll want an attorney who can give you peace of mind and fight for a fair and equitable outcome for you and your children.

If a process server and sheriff come your residence and served you with papers, you will have 35 days to answer the complaint. You can ask for an extension, but really, your focus should be on finding a qualified attorney. Your spouse has an attorney and has already decided what he or she wants to get out of the process. You should select a divorce attorney, read over the complaint carefully, and think about what you want to counter. You will discuss these things in your first consultation.

You don’t have to go to the county where you were married to file for divorce. You can file for divorce in the country where you’re living on the day of your filing. If you move outside that county after filing, that county’s court will still handle your case. There is, however, a restriction on when you can file. Except in cases of adultery, New Jersey law requires you to have lived in the state for one year before filing a complaint for divorce.