Bashford's Hot Mineral Spa

Satya Devi

We love this place so much we bought a trailer there! Really friendly and helpful staff and owners. Relaxing hot springs, beautiful views, fun activities, quiet evenings. Perfect retirement community.

RJ Okay

The streets are made of gold, and every visitor receives a gleaming crown adorned with many gems and precious stones, placed on their head gingerly by a beautiful Eastern European woman while a lovely fanfare blares from hi-fi stereo system. From there, guests are escorted into an air-conditioned palanquin, which is hoisted up and onto the powerful shoulders of a team of eunuchs, who take guests on a brief (yet admittedly bumpy) ride as they traverse through the jungle — such transport being necessary so guests do not attract any fire leeches while wading across the hot-spring-fed moat which surrounds King Bashford’s palace. The palace itself is breathtaking, adorned with exquisite imported and dutifully restored frescoes of antiquity all along every wall of the four grand rooms which surround the inner cloister and it’s immaculately preserved Bashfordian Gardens. Near-pristine marble statues peer down at visitors with two-thousand year old eyes, beneath extravagant glimmering chandeliers which appear to be twice the size of the neighboring Bombay Beach, and the largest of which holds nearly 60,000 shimmering candles. At dusk, the reflection of the grand chandelier’s candles in the great western window give the appearance of an army of will-o-the-wisps dancing and glittering above the surface of the Salton Sea. Lining the floors beneath every wall, visitors find the intricately carved and unfathomably detailed sarcophagi in which slumber the god-kings of Bashford’s past (perceptive visitors will even notice that some still bear the scarring from the molten lead which rained down upon them during the shelling of the Great War). King Bashford himself greets every guest personally with a goblet of wine and a warm embrace as he descends the gleaming marble staircase below his throne, at the far western end of the cloister gardens. The weave of his royal robes can be quite abrasive against bare skin, but the unpleasant sensation is swiftly dulled by the honeyed wine as it come flowing from casks the size of Volvos, and visitors are invited to drink to their contention as they bathe tenderly in the great tubs, the ancient waters cascading over their bodies lulling them into a dreamless sleep… thankfully, the minerals present in the aquifers which feed the springs are sufficient to keep all but the most gargantuan of guests buoyant, and safely held above the surface as they smile gently even in their slumber, drifting ever closer to the great waterfalls and then disappearing gently over the sides as they ride into eternity. They also have propane for sale, which is handy, because there’s nowhere else nearby with reasonable prices.

Homefree On a Suzuki

Dry camping $35 night for two motorcycles and two people. Nice showers and pools and tubs. Highly recommend. Dude that owns it is chill AF.

Sandra Taylor

I love Bashford’s. This place has a very peaceful vibe and it’s a perfect get away for some quiet time. Soaking in mineral tubs is just lovely, one is able to make it hotter with the extremely hot water coming from black hoses. Read the instructions they give you! The map they give you is well informed and Greg was great host. Thanks!!