Not to mention, Psalms 37 says that if I cease from anger and allow the enemy to go their ways that he will give me my hearts desire. Maybe, I have not waited long enough, or maybe I have fainted and given into sin a couple of times, but I am hoping this time God will not allow the enemy to encroach upon my personal space so much to create a negative choice on my part. I mean unless God really doesn't want me to have my heart's desire. His word says if I forgo wrath that I will receive his blessings. I think sometimes about suicide, but that hurts. Seeing my enemies family living the good life, while I mire in their wrath is hurtful that this is God's plan for me when I prayed for them to be blessed even when they did me harm. That was one reason, I thought of suicide to end my suffering and it also seemed like God cared only for her and her unhappiness is why I still think of it as a possible solution.
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